Rabbi Valerie Stessin returns to NeshamaCast to reflect on the completion of a full year since the devastating terror attacks of October 7, 2023 and her work in providing spiritual care to a traumatized nation.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin is the Director of Kashouvot: The Center for Spiritual Care in Israel. A native of France, Valerie earned a BA from the Hebrew University in Jerusalem, majoring in Special Education and Jewish Philosophy and received a teaching degree from the Kerem Institute. Valerie studied at the Schechter Institute, earned two M.A. degrees and had the honor to be the first woman ordained by the Masorti movement in Israel, in 1993. She has been involved in Spiritual Care in Israel since its beginnings and is dedicated to advancing this area.
Since 2008, Valerie studied Clinical Pastoral Education (C.P.E.) in Israel and in the United States at Schechter Institute for Jewish Studies with Rabbi Zahara Davidowiz-Farkas, Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Brunswick, New Jersey with Rev. John DeVelder, Jewish Theological Seminary in New York with Rabbi Mychal Springer and Hebrew SeniorLife in Boston with Rev. Mary Martha Thiel. Valerie was certified as a chaplain by NAJC – Neshama Association of Jewish Chaplains and the Israeli Association for Spiritual Care. In 2020, she was certified as an educator in Spiritual Care after she studied at the Educator’s Course with Dr. Rabbi Alan Abrams at the Schwartz Center for Health and Spirituality.
During this period, Valerie worked as a chaplain at various hospitals and geriatric centers: Hadassah Mount Scopus Hospital in the hematology day care and the rehabilitation departments, Hadassah Ein Karem in the Bone Marrow transplant department, the French Hospital in Palliative care, Hod Yerushalayim nursing home, Yehud and Ness Ziona day-care for the elderly and more.
Valerie taught Spiritual Care in C.P.E. professional training programs and various courses for health-care and geriatric staff.
She served on the board of the Association for Spiritual Care in Israel and of Tmicha, the organization for palliative care in Israel and is a member of the N.A.J.C, the National Association of Jewish Chaplains. Valerie speaks Hebrew, French, English and some Russian.
Painting by Georges Stessin, Rabbi Stessin’s late father.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: :
Shalom and welcome to NeshamahCast, exploring Jewish spiritual care today, brought to you by Neshama, Association of Jewish Chaplains. I'm your host, Rabbi Ed Bernstein. Over the last year on Neshama Cast, we've heard many Jewish chaplains in the field reflect on the effect that the terror attacks of October 7, 2023, has had on their work providing spiritual care during difficult times. On October 9th last year, Rabbi Valerie Stessin from Jerusalem came on the Shama Cast in an emergency episode to report from Israel on her experience of the first 48 hours of this terrifying event. Listeners can still find that program in our feed. As we record now in September 2024, We are approaching the first anniversary of October 7th, when this episode will drop, and I'm grateful that Rabbi Stessen has returned to Neshama Cast to reflect on the past year, as well as look ahead. Rabbi Stessen is the director of Kashu Vot, the Center for Spiritual Care in Israel. She was the first woman ordained at the Schechter Institute in Jerusalem, the seminary for Conservative Masorti Judaism in Israel. She is a board-certified chaplain and a member of NAJC. Rabbi Stessin speaks Hebrew, French, English, and some Russian, and she makes her home in Jerusalem. In podcast parlance, a returning guest to a podcast show is often called a friend of the pod. Rabbi Valerie Stessin, you are my actual friend and a friend of the pod. Welcome back to NeshamaCast.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Thank you very much. Thank you very much for inviting me. And I'm very glad to have the opportunity to be in touch through this podcast with my colleagues. And I'm very, very glad to feel the support that I really felt from the beginning of this so difficult year from the colleagues from abroad. It was very meaningful.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: It's wonderful to have you here. Last year, Rabbi Stessin, we met on October 9th, and we were focused on the state of emergency as it was unfolding before our eyes at the very hour we spoke. We are still in horrible times. At the same time, nearly a year later, we have a little more perspective, we have a little more ability compared to 11 months ago to pause and reflect. And I'd like you to have the same kavod or honor as our other NeshamahCast guests to reflect on your career and tell your story about how you became a rabbi and a chaplain. So please take us back to your early days in France and Israel. What was your spiritual life like growing up, and to what extent did it lay the foundation for your later work?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Okay, I will soon be 60. So it's a nice opportunity to go back to childhood and at least try to see all this, you know, how it developed since. But my parents are from different origins. Both of them are Jews, but my mother was born in Algeria, in North Africa. And my father was born in France, but his parents came from Poland and Hungary. And being a child of Jewish parents from different origins was already something a little bit weird, maybe, at this time, but both of them received on one side a strong Jewish identity, but not a strong Jewish tradition. You know, we won't enter the sociological reasons, but the Ashkenazi side was after the Holocaust, The Sephardic side was very close to the French tradition and French culture. So I grew up in a house which was very connected to Zionism and to Judaism, but not in a very traditional way and not with a lot of content. And we lived in a very small place, a place, a town which is called Perigueux, which is in southwest of France with a very small congregation, really tiny congregation. So Jewish life was important for us, but wasn't very rich. So when I was a teenager, I came to Israel when I was 15 for the first time, and it was a kind of revelation. I really felt that I belonged to this place and that I want to be part of the history which is evolving and happening in Israel. And at the same time, I was thirsty. I felt some thirst and some attraction to more Jewish tradition, more sources. So both happened at the same time.
When I was 18, after the baccalaureate, instead of traveling to Paris or to Bordeaux for university, I decided to come to Israel with blessing of my parents, who were very glad that I decided to try this journey. I was for one year in a kibbutz, in a religious kibbutz, and decided to stay to study at university. I had also, you know, the advantage if you compare with Olim from Russia or other places, you could come and be free to decide which back if I want. It wasn't an Aliyah that was very stressful because I knew that I can come and try and if it doesn't fit, I can go back. In fact, I found my place here even if it took some time. I studied at York University, Jewish thought and special education. which led me later to go for a teacher certificate, but then I still wasn't aware, and I'm sorry if it sounds weird to my colleagues, I wasn't aware at all of any non-Orthodox Judaism. In fact, I came from a kind of secular or a little bit traditional home. In France, you didn't have at this time almost no liberal Judaism in France, for sure not where I was living.
And I came to Israel and I didn't know that there was an option and I felt that I didn't belong not to the non-religious because I was attracted by tradition and meaning and rituals, et cetera. and learning and sources. And on the one side, I really, I had a very feminist education and very open mind and very critical mind. And I really felt that I can't adopt Orthodox way of life. And I always felt like if I was sitting between two chairs, like I don't belong to this part of the society and not the other one.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Can you tell us about the landscape of Jewish life in Israel? What is the place of Masorti, Conservative Judaism and the other liberal movements? How does it compare to what Jewish people find in other parts of the world?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: So I will, you know, compare maybe the realities that I found in Israel in 82 when I made Aliyah, not now, there are differences, but in 82 you had to be part of the religious side or the non-religious side, because there are different levels. There's a religious or non-religious either driving on Shabbat or not driving on Shabbat, and you didn't have all the various ways to live and to think your Judaism, to, you know, different approach to do Judaism, as I discovered much later when I discovered the Conservative movement. You didn't have the same range of opportunities as you can see them in the streets.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: our reference point in the United States, there's a constitutional separation of what we call church and state, and the government is not involved officially in any religion. Whereas in Israel, there is the recognized official Judaism of Orthodox Judaism, and there's a chief rabbinate that operates on tax dollars. And so how does that affect the life of people who are not Orthodox?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: I think it's also in the mind of people, and I think it changed, and it's keeping changing. But then I really had the feeling that, you know, you're black or white. For me, it was clear that, you know, that life is not so white and black, that there are many things in the middle, and many ways to keep Mitzvot. And some people who are not religious are keeping some of the Mitzvot, and some people who aren't religious. Something was very binary. When I discovered the Conservative movement, which was quite small in Israel, it was a real revelation for me because I really found a place where I could bring more complexity, not always so accepting of everything as it is. So when I encountered the the conservative ideology, the Masorti movement, as it is called in Israel. I was very much attracted by it, and I joined what was called the Beit Midrash of the organization. But then the rabbinical track wasn't open to women. In the JTS, it was already a change that was done before, but in Israel, the founders were convinced that to be accepted by the Israeli society, they should keep a more a lower profile and be a little bit more traditional than the conservative movement. So at this point, women were not accepted in this track. And there were two tracks, educational and rabbinical. So I began in the educational track, and then I was very lucky to be there at a time where many students, teachers of the Beth Midrash, and also members of the movement felt that it was time to adopt the egalitarian way of training people and training also women if they want to be rabbis. So in the middle of my studies, I embraced the rabbinical track and I had the honor to be ordained in 93 and since many women and men were ordained here. Some people were afraid that it will create a separation between two movements within the small movement, but it didn't happen. In fact, I think all people got used. Some were very happy, some maybe a little bit less, but it became something which was a blessing for the movement.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Did Israeli media cover the event? Was it a big deal for a seminary in Israel to ordain a woman? What was that like?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Yes, at this time. It was on the news, but I think now when I meet people, they really don't have the same reaction. Nowhere, even in the orthodox movements, some of the new orthodox here have begun to ordain women. And I think, you know, many things like the women of the war, women rabbis, is not so weird as it was 30 years ago.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, the landscape has changed. So tell us now about your journey to chaplaincy. You talked about first focusing on education, and at some point you made a pivot to chaplaincy. And if you could also describe the landscape in Israel of chaplaincy, because I think it's very different than what we have in North America.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: So indeed, the first years of my rabbinate, I was involved in education and informal education in FSSR for a few years and traveled to FSSR quite a lot. And then I worked for 15 years at the Tali Education Fund, which is a network of non-religious schools with the enhancement of Jewish studies. And towards the end of this long period of 15 years, I had budget restrictions. And budget restrictions means also restrictions of the staff. And I had, so I lose my job at Tally after many years when I was giving work to my colleagues and to the rabbis in rabbinical students. And then I had the opportunity just a little bit before to join a CPE program. which was new in Israel. When I studied for rabbinical studies, we didn't have CPE in Israel. And the New York Federation began to develop spiritual things. And one of the people who worked in Israel was Rabbi Zohar Davidovich Farkash, one of the members of an agency, of course. And she was traveling to Israel for long summers and teaching CPE in Israel.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: She was teaching CPE to Israelis.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: to Israelis, but it was a really, really beginning of the field here in Israel. So I remember a time when she was teaching the group at the Sherter Institute. And then I had a really, you know, it was I didn't know really what was spiritual care. I didn't have a clue what field I'm entering. I mean, I really, she didn't know me. I didn't know her. There was one spot and Rabbi Inat Ramon told me, you know what, there is one free spot. If you want, you can have it. I don't think I had any idea what was awaiting me. I remember the moment where I put the door to the nursing home, I had to do my clinical time. And as we are used to do as chaplains, you know, I entered the place before having any idea of what was my job, what was my role, what was my definition. And I remember opening the door, I remember the smell, and then I remember a second when I asked myself, do I really want to be here, knowing that I'm very sensitive to smells, and that I don't really know why I'm here now. I had this second hesitation, what am I doing here? Like, But it was too late. I think I caught a virus when the first time I entered the first CPE course. It was the beginning of the end. I couldn't stop after I caught this virus of spiritual care. The first course with the RITs was very meaningful for me. It was, again, a kind of revelation. It was a totally different way of discovering another side of the rabbinate. It was another color of the rabbinate, much more personal, much more individual, one-on-one. And I really liked the training, the fact that the training was both intellectual and also spiritual. I think the mix of theory and practice and the individual supervision and the small group really worked for me. When I finished the first course, it was alpha unit, it was eight weeks. When I finished, I already wanted to, you know, want to be the opportunities to some people were in the field for me to take some 20-25 years until someone will work in the field you know we are just beginning no one knows what is spiritual we just invented the word the divul rohani in hebrew which is like a spiritual accompaniment you know but no one knows what it is
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: I'll just note that in our Neshama cast feed, I interviewed our colleague Rabbi Nancy Weiner from HUC, who co-authored a book called Maps and Meaning, and she describes how chaplains of today reflect the role of the Liviyim, the people of the Levitical class, the Kohanim, who literally accompanied people out of the camp and back into the camp when they were able to be back in the community. And there's this strong parallel between the Kohanim of ancient times and what chaplains do today, helping people cross the threshold back and forth. And so the Hebrew term, I love the Hebrew term, Livui Ruchani. It's like, it's like where we as chaplains are the Liviyim, the Levites who help people cross that threshold.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Beautiful, lovely. So I had this feeling that something really deep in me was connected with this.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, you got the chaplaincy virus.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Exactly. So, you know, the final self-evaluation that we write at the end of the CPE, and with something about, you know, what is your dream or what you would like, you know, what would be the next goals. And at the end of the first half unit, I wrote that, you know, what I would like to keep studying. And then I was lucky enough to join the course also the year after. So I kept entering this journey of studying spiritual care. traveling for the first time to Robert Wood Johnson University Hospital in New Jersey with the support of NAJC. You know, I already was a mother with two daughters, divorced, but my daughters stayed here in Israel with my parents and their father. And I traveled for three months to do my first CPE there. I think this was also a very important moment for me because it was the first time that I could see really spiritual care in life, like being in an hospital, seeing a staff of full-time chaplains. We had two cohorts of CPE, you know, being a chaplain on call during nights and weekends. For me, It was something which really helped me beginning to imagine what it could be if we bring chaplaincy to Israel and what could be the final goal to be able to give every person who wishes a chaplain or who is interested or in need to give the possibility of having this service. And it was, of course, totally different from the realities that I knew in Israel. We then didn't have any place even with a partner, a part-time chaplain, like no hospital and no nursing home. It just was something that didn't exist. So I came back to Israel with really a vision of what could be if we succeed in developing it here. And I think also I was able to see in Israel that there was such a void in those places. You know, I refer mostly to hospitals and nursing homes, but many geriatrics and other places where independent living facilities and places like this, I think on one side I could see the void, knowing that the reality was that in Israel we were really far from having the people, the chaplains, and the openness from the staff, from the professional staff, but I could see that there was a need. that there was a real need.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, so tell us about your organization, Kashouvot, how it got started, and how you found your way to Kashuvot, and what it does.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: So, I created Kashouvot with a colleague of mine, who is also a chaplain, Rabbi Miriam Berkovich, who made Aliyah from the States. And she also studied spiritual care. She also wanted to begin something together, a new initiative. And then we decided to join forces and to found Kashouvot in 2011. Then it really felt like something very, very far, but it was very tiny. And I admit that now in 2024, it's very different. The Kashouvot Council joined with another non-for-profit, which Elie Sharon, who is an Israeli chaplain, founded some 10 years ago. So now it's in fact one organization, but it includes two non-for-profits, one who have the same vision of developing spiritual care in Israel. We really moved from two chaplains who were just volunteering a few hours a week, you know, in a few hospitals and trying to just spread the word and talk about the need for spiritual care. Now Keshuvot is leading five CPE groups in parallel during the year. Last year, we had two groups in the north, in the northern hospital in Tuveria, in Korea, and three groups in Surazki Ikhlav Hospital, which is the largest hospital in Tel Aviv. So it's not far from 50 students who are first and second year. In Israel, students are studying only two units and then they go for certification by the Association of Spirit Workers in Israel. And Keshuvot also was the first organization to organize as a course for educators, and we already have chaplains working in different hospitals, some of them through Kachuvot. Many of them are directly working for the hospital, nursing home, or private clients, because the knowledge of spiritual care and the need for spiritual care is spreading also between just people that are telling to each other from one to another, and some people just take spiritual care as a private service, because it still doesn't It exists in every place, in every place where it's needed. So even if we are still very far from the goal, I mean, chaplaincy is still not a recognized profession. So the miracle is that we can train students in hospitals.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Recognized by whom? By the state?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Yeah, by the state. It's not a recognized profession. But then don't ask me and don't ask anyone how come that we can train students in hospitals and nursing homes, because someone could think that there is a paradox. So maybe it's an Israeli paradox, but a very positive one. So we are growing and people who are working in palliative care are very much aware of the spiritual care in Israel and very much open. And I think also I can really see that as a change in the attitude of front professionals, physicians, nurses, and all the different professionals who are working in the field of care, like the reaction to spiritual care is totally different than 15 years ago when we began. It's a small country. as you know, and it's spreading quickly from a person to another, and people hear about it more and more, and they hear about how helpful it is. And I think it's growing in a very meaningful way. We still have a long way to go, but still there is a kind of openness and maybe also what's happening now since October 7th, you know, is in a way again something that will influence the society in being more open to another kind of spirituality.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: So you mentioned the post-October 7th world, and I'd like to get into that. So, as I noted, you and I last met on Zoom on October 9th. At the time we spoke, we did not know the full scale of the damage of October 7th. At the very hour we spoke, bodies were still being found. A year later, what are you experiencing personally and professionally? What do you know about the effects of the war now that you didn't yet know when we spoke last year?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: So first, in a way, we could say that it's a big, big, big difference because really, we were so in shock. But what is weird is that we are far and we are still very much deep in the same situation. I mean, there was October 7 with the shock and the trauma and the surprise and the amazing amount of sadness and grief. But in a way, it didn't stop till now. It never ends. Not never ends, I hope it will end. In a way, we are still in the same feeling of people who are soldiers, who are hurt and killed every day, hostages who are still there, and hopefully when the podcast will be broadcasted, maybe it will be different, but we are still with the situation that many, more than 100 hostages are held by the Hamas, and we still don't know who is alive and who isn't. And the fact that there were so long periods of reserves in the army, some of our soldiers and children are called for the third time to the reserves. And all the stress and the situation, the security situation on the northern border gives the feeling that we are still stuck in the same place and that we moved and time is moving, but we are still very much deep into sadness, uncertainty, Everything is still very much alive and very much painful. And something in the pain and in the grief is still very vivid. Even if we are so far from October 7th, we are close to the anniversary. And I think it also brings us now to the thoughts about, okay, how can we go through the high holidays? How will it be different from what it was last year? How can we get ready for all these days which will remind us of what was last year at the same moment? It's very complicated because it's such a small country and no one is You asked me how I'm living through this personally. I think one of the most difficult things for me as a mother or as a parent, because I don't think it's really different for fathers, is to see all my two daughters who are 24 and 28, and my son-in-law who is 28. They already went through such an awful amount of
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: So they've done a lot of reserve duty.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: They've done a lot of reserve duty, each one of them in different places. One in the Lebanon border, my youngest daughter, and the others in the offices of the Air Force, intelligence, and my son-in-law, part of the time in Gaza. But also the fact that they lose so many friends. They lose friends, they lose friends of friends, you know, Nachal Oz, which is one of the bases of the army, which was the most harshly attacked on October 7th, was the place where my youngest daughter did most of her army service. And she lost people that she knew during her army service there. People know each other. It's a small country. So knowing that they go through such a huge amount of fear of loss, that they need so much resilience. Professionally, I think last year was, as a director of a CPE training center, I think it was the most difficult year. You know, we all know that In fact, the relationship between educator and the student in spirit walking is parallel to the relationship that we have in spirit walking with people that we accompany, and that it was the most difficult for the people to go through. Some of our students were living in places that were displaced because there was living in the north or in the south in kibbutzim or in settlements which had to be displaced. And some of them are still displaced, still now. Some of them lose people from their family. Most of them had family in the army, in the reserves.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, speaking of losing family members, you lost your father not too long ago in summer of 2024. May he rest in peace and our NAJC colleagues join me in expressing our condolences to you. He didn't die in anything connected to the war, he died of natural causes, but his death comes within the backdrop, and his last year of life was with that. So your father, George, he was an artist, and you shared with me some of his artwork. that he did in the last year of his life. For those who are listening, we will put links to George Stessin's artwork in the show notes. Valerie, could you tell us a bit about your father George's artwork that you shared with me that he made just in the aftermath of October 7th?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Yeah, just to really give an idea in a few words. My father, when he was in his 40s, had a very serious car accident. And after this car accident, he was in a coma for three weeks and had a very, very long period of rehabilitation and trying to get back to what he was. And he never went back to what he was before. So he had a lot of challenges for many years. So One of the things which were part of his rehabilitation was going back to painting, mainly oil painting. When my father retired, when he was around his 60s, he really had a lot of time to paint. In Tel Aviv, he had a studio that my parents made. He had the studio and he was painting a lot. He was also doing sculpture and aquarelle and watercolors. And he was telling me, on the day when I won't be able to paint more, I don't want to live more. It was his motto. Creation was his zone de vivre, as you would say in French. You know, the taste of life. After October 7, my father did two more paintings. One of them people can see also
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: It looks like it has the colors of the Israeli flag, the blue and white, with a big splotch of red on it representing blood, and it says 7 October, and there's a Magen David right in the middle, which is from the flag of Israel, but there's a big blood stain in the middle with 7 October on it.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: And there are also some black lines, and the black lines are going out of the drawing. The black lines which are also entering the wall, the white wall, like if it's the 7th of October is not, you cannot limit it to this framework, you know, to the painting itself, but it also enters the wall itself. In May, my father was diagnosed with cancer and five weeks after, in from this cancer. When it was diagnosed, it was already very, very advanced. But in my mind, after 7 October was that he stopped drawing and painting and creating. In fact, he was totally connected to the deterioration of his internal health. It was the beginning of the end and I'm sure that it influenced his health. And, you know, it's very clear that people here around, I see many people have many physical effects, illness and different things. I personally also had things like this, which I didn't have before, but I'm sure that it's connected with opening. And, but I think the, of course, more injuries, more pains, the pain that we and the trauma that people will have to recover from are even deeper than the signs that we can see on physical health.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: About when did he complete those final paintings of his life?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: I think it was really a short time after October 7.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: And then after that, he just wasn't able to muster that creative spark.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Yeah, he said that he can't find any inspiration and, you know, he wasn't able to create something new. It really felt like he lose the taste.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Very sad, indeed. But I'm glad that he was able to complete the works that he did do. And may his memory be for a blessing. Yehi zichro v'aruch. Thank you. I want to ask you, what are key things that you and Kashouvot have been able to do since October 7th to bring spiritual support to the people? Are there any stories that stand out in terms of how you were uniquely positioned to respond that people might otherwise not have had if Kashuvot didn't exist in the last year?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: You know, I think on one side, and I will begin with the weak point, I want to be very open and honest with my colleagues and with people who understand the work we do and who understand how complicated it is. I would have been very happy to tell you that maybe not on October 7, but on October 8, all the people who were involved with emergency support, and psychological support or support for people who were in any situation of stress, I would have been very happy and very proud to tell you that we received hundreds of phones and phone calls and people asked us to send chaplains to hospitals and many other places where they were needed. It's not what happened. The contrary happened is that in most of the places where we tried to be involved and to help, let's say for example in hotels near the Dead Sea and in many other places there were hotels where many, you know, people from the kibbutzim from the south, from the border with Gaza. And the first thing that we tried as kashuvot and as organizations in spiritual care in Israel was to volunteer and to try to be part of the staff. But then there were issues of not being therapy, not being a recognized profession.
And even in hospitals, for example, we would have been very glad to be present in the wards where there were civilians and soldiers and be there for the staff and for the families. And we were not very present. Why? Not because we didn't want, not because we didn't try, but because we are still a little bit outsiders. OK, that's the truth. I was frustrated. Many of my colleagues were frustrated. But at the same time, we also understood, OK, it's a long run. And all the issues that were raised, all the political trauma that we are going through, is not something that will be dealt in a day, in a week of treatment, or in an intensive month of treatment. So anyway, we understood that, okay, maybe we're not on the front line, but we have to be ready to be there for the medium term. And also, I can tell you that the key process began week after October 7.
So the week after, we were still all in shock and we also didn't know if people can travel, you know, it was still very unclear. Can we travel? So we did the first meeting, the first learning session on Zoom. But the second learning session was in person, in hospitals, in nursing homes, and then began to meet the average Israeli. Can be Jew, can be religious, can be non-religious, can be Muslim, can be Buddhist, or anything else.
But we were in the field and we met people who suffered from what happened and what is still happening, as everyone in this society. Again, some of them are touched very closely because they lose people's Some of them maybe don't know very close people who died, but knew people who were injured or people who would lose, other people. So in a way, we are in the field. We are not, we were not on the front line. When I look back and I see where we were when we went together with the colleagues, we planted the first States Spirit Walker in Israel, and I see how it grew since. I am still very optimistic that we will get there.
For now, we are in every place where we can enter with the people that we have, with more and more chaplains every year, more and more certified chaplains every year. and each one is in touch with another group, with another community. So our students study also about trauma and about trauma response, but they say that the fact that we are present in places where people deal with all the usual problems of life, illness or chronic illness, cancer, dementia, and all these usual issues of life, but in parallel, they have to cope with the virality which is constated and said we are there to work with the staff, we are there to work with the patients and families, and I think our influence is even wider than just being first responders. But I think it's also very important to be present and to be just with patients, with a lot of resilience, just believing in what we do and in the fact that leaving space for the spirit, giving space for the spiritual life of people in a society where it's not something which is so easily accepted, and it works. It works. It just has to grow, and it takes time to grow. It takes time, it takes effort, it takes means, but it grows.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: So even if you're not on the front lines, as we might picture that, you are still helping people, and everybody is dealing with the trauma of the war to some extent, and everybody is affected, and you're meeting them where they are at. You mentioned about people in Israel who are not Jewish, and I wanted to ask you about that. You know, just a few days before the horrific murder of the six hostages last week, there was a hostage rescued from Gaza who was Bedouin and an Israeli citizen, Qaid Farhan Al-Qadi.
This has been a complicated year for Arab and Palestinian Israeli citizens. On the one hand, their country was invaded on October 7th, and there were a number of Palestinian Israelis killed on October 7th. Many of them, I should say, died as heroes while trying to save Israeli Jews. I'm thinking of emergency medical workers at the Nova Festival. And then there were some like Qaid Farhan who were taken hostage. Up north, there's the Druze community whose children serve in the army and several of them have fallen in the war, and then there was the Druze school in the Golan Heights that was struck by a missile from Hezbollah that killed young children on a soccer field. How is the nation providing spiritual support to the different communities of Arab Israelis, people who aren't Jewish but are part of the fabric of society, and to what extent is Kashu Vot involved in that work?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: I guess most of the people know we at Kashouvot, of course, we adopted spiritual care as support which can be and should be for everyone. So part of the training that the students are receiving and part of the training that they get in hospitals. And I think it's something which is also very unconventional in Israel, you know, to understand that spirituality is in fact something that we have in common and not something that is a barrier between those groups. It's something that can maybe unify people around different kinds of beliefs or the ways they relate to the higher power, and things like this. It's something which is very meaningful for the people that we meet. So I think the groups that the chaplains are creating are really something which is very, very new here. The fact that you can try to openly talk with someone who is very different from you, who maybe doesn't know your face, but wants to understand you.
And I think it's bringing really another kind of language, another kind of culture. a kind of language, something that people can share. I can say that even people who made Aliyah from FSSR also came with a very different approach to religion and spirituality. I'm happy that now I'm talking with you and with people who know what it means, but it's not easy to explain to other or to other people who don't have the experience. But we are, I think, really creating another kind of connecting with people, connecting with words, sometimes without words, especially when there is a gap of communication. But even when there is a difficulty in communication, you always find a way to be with the person in some kind of healing presence and loving presence. And I believe that it influences the other people in the staff So I think we are bringing really something which is, again, a need, a real need, and there is a real void, but really what I think helps us feeling that we are doing something which is important, meaningful, and will become more and more recognized in the, I hope, in the close future.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, I'm glad to know that Kashouvot is on the front lines of working with all Israelis, regardless of religion or ethnic background. Israel is a complex society and 20% of the population, at least, is not Jewish.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: And it shows that the last months were also very difficult for them because identity issues and the fact that they are connected to both sides, in a way, makes it very, very difficult. It's very difficult to have an open conversation and frank conversation with people. There is a difficulty to speak openly about those issues. And we hope also to have more and more. We are there. We have two students who are Muslims, religious women, and we hope that we will be able to expand and to have more and more people who are not from the Jewish background in our community of students and chaplains. I think as the spirit worker will develop and will become hopefully soon a recognized profession, I think we will be able to attract more people who are from different backgrounds. That's wonderful.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: So to bring things back to our Jewish community, on the secular calendar, October 7th falls in between Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur. The Hebrew date, of course, is the 22nd of Tishrei, which is Sh'meni Atzeret Simchat Torah, exactly three weeks after Rosh Hashanah. How are you approaching the Chagim, these holidays, this year and the first anniversary of October 7th? How are you approaching this season spiritually, particularly as these two events, the Chagim, the holidays, and October 7th are so closely intertwined? And one thing I'm particularly interested in is what the Yizkor prayers will be like for you on Yom Kippur and Shemini Atzeret. These are the prayers that we say to recall people who have died and we pause in Yom Kippur and Shemini Atzeret to remember those who have died and I imagine in Israel that will have particular emotional resonance this year. So what are you anticipating?
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: You know, one of the groups where I'm active and I'm most dealing with this question is congregation, the Conservative congregation which I'm part of, Maryanot, and we were really having discussions about, okay, how can we, we cannot do it exactly the same way, we are not the same, we changed, our reality changed, the siddur maybe is the same, but what do we want to add, and What do we want to maybe change? What do we want? What kind of space we can try to create between the words? You know, all the words of the prayer, for example, any association with life and death, with movement, or with reward. Everything there, I think, may push people back to difficult feelings and difficult talking. For sure, the theology behind many of the This is much more challenging for many of the people than it was before. And I think it's true for people also in the very religious world. And on the other side, I think there may be some people from the secular world will maybe, during this year, maybe add the opportunity to question how the tradition and Jewish tradition can be meaningful in coping with crazy year.
So I think everything will be different because we change but we still are not able to really do, you know, look and understand what changed because we are still in the process. because we feel that we are still in this kind of tornado this year. So in a way I think even when you try to stop and to look at what happened, you still feel that you are still running, you're still in this process.
So I guess it will be holidays with much more tears and at the same time People are trying to keep living their lives. They are back to work, they are back to life. Tomorrow I'm going to a wedding. People have the right to be happy and to be at their wedding and to have a happy wedding as it should be. So we are living in parallel with these two tracks. with trying to live and maybe even to live more with more intention, you know, knowing that, okay, life is so fragile that we really have to feel all the joy and all the happy things that we can live through. And at the same time, I think many people still feel in the process and that the grief is not ending. It's surviving and being very resilient with both things in hands and keeping always the feeling that we are alive and we need to you know, it's Rosh Hashanah, it's Kippur, it's Simchat Torah. We want to have the right to go through those family times, community times, in a meaningful way.
We are not ready to give up, and we won't give up, and we understand that it's one of the hardest periods of our lives in Israel for many of us, but we try to hold the grins in parallel. So I think in most of the congregations and most of the synagogues and most of the key communities, I will be to keep what we had before, to keep this lively experience of the High Holidays positive experience, but we also need to connect it to what we went through. Like, it cannot be the same. It will be different because we changed, but it will be different because we need to feel that it answers some of our new fears, new doubts, new issues with with belief and disbelief, and I think there is a very large amount of coping with what we were so confident about, what we believed so deeply, and what we feel that needs to be rebuilt, because it was destroyed, or at least partly destroyed.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Yeah, I mean, I'm thinking of an irony in the Chagim on Sukkot. We say to one another Chag Sameach, happy holiday. The Mishnah also says Yom Kippur, which is a day of fasting, but nevertheless, it's still the happiest day of the year because we cleanse ourselves of sins and become spiritually pure. So on the one level, this is the happiest time of the year. And at the same time, our inner reality is very sad right now but in a way it seems to me like it's an act of defiance that when we say Chag Sameach to one another we're going to be celebrating our Chagim despite it all.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Yeah and I think you know there is really this latent sadness which is there and it will be strongly It will be the ceremonies and the year after, etc. It requires more strength to be happy, or to be positive, or to believe in the future. To go back to those traditions and to keep those traditions, it requires much more effort. But it's also really the feeling that even when you are begei zalmavet. Even when you are very deep in the very dark and very sad place, you still need to find where are your strengths, what brings you strength. You know, I think it's amazing to see how courageous people are here. You know, now people are more aware of the trauma, of the difficulties, of the prize that it has. They speak about it more openly, and it's important if we compare with other generations after Holocaust or after other traumas. They speak about it much more and still it will be a long way until we recover from what we've been through.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Rabbi Valerie Stessin, we're going to have to end it there. I am so grateful for the opportunity to have this extensive conversation with you. As I said to you last year, chizki ve'emzi, may you have strength and courage to support our brothers and sisters in Israel, and of course, take care of yourself and your family as well. And may we soon be blessed with shalom, with peace.
Rabbi Valerie Stessin: Thank you very much. Thank you. And I also send you I know that you also my colleagues abroad are dealing with difficult times, we did not relate to this so much, but also understand and try to aware of the things that you are facing, connected to what we are facing there. I think we are not separated. Even when there is distance, I really feel that you are all going through very difficult times wherever you live. So also for you, wishing a lot of strength and a better year, much better year, with a lot of healing for all of us.
Rabbi Ed Bernstein: Amen. Shana Tova and Chag Sameach. Shana Tova. Chag Sameach to you too. Neshama Cast is a production of Neshama Association of Jewish Chaplains. Thank you to our guest, Rabbi Valerie Stessin. Check our show notes for more information about her work.
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Thank you to Rabbi Katya Filo for technical support and production assistance. Additional thanks for logistical support to Allison Atterberry, NAJC Executive Director, and Rabbi Drew Kaplan and the NAJC Social Media Committee. Transcripts for this episode and other episodes of Neshama Cast are available at neshamacast.simplecast.com. and are typically posted one week after the episode first airs.
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